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(if you should learn to do this will your toys of knowing,
you will achieve a form of liberty more valuable than any other skill)
I believe this event took place probably around the summer of 1997. I could place the date more accurately, but for the purposes of this record, the date is not crucial. March, or April, unless I miss my guess.
My companion of the past two years and I had somewhat recently parted, and I had found a new companion whom I’d been seeing for at least three or four months. My ex and I were conducting a relationship as tentative friends, so we talked occasionally.
One morning, around around 2 or 2:30 a.m., I believe, my companion and I were settling down for the night, and I was laying on my back on the right side of the bed, with my eyes open and arms spread out, relaxing. It is possible that we’d gone to the ocean that day, for I felt a unique exhaustion that was reminiscent of the kind I’d feel from a day at the beach.
Unexpectedly I felt a huge inner pulse — or throb — that I might compare to what I’d expect to feel if all the energy had briefly been sucked from everything local into some invisible vortex.
I recognized it as an instance of a very rare biocognitive ‘anomaly’ I had experienced perhaps 6 or seven times before (in a waking or semi-waking state). It was an energetic feeling, like falling into a very deep cone, in a spiral — and emerging at the top or ring when you touch the bottom. Extremely sudden, and just an instant, really.
This happened two or three times over the coming 45 seconds — somewhat irregularly — and then there was a sudden shift of presence in the room, and a voice boomed from the vicinity forward of the northwest corner of the ceiling:
I AM HERE.
The voice was something alike with what one might expect if all possible authority could be distilled into a single eternal statement. It was the voice of a God. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced, or heard. And it was actually announcing its real arrival at my locale.
It was not really a shout, or an exclamation — but it was incredibly loud, and ... I struggle to communicate this clearly: it was ultimately sovereign.
There was no question implied, as with a human visitor. This was the masculine announcement of a fact beyond all possible facts. Something about that was humorous, as well as penetrative.
I was stunned. I didn’t really know what to do, or think or say. For a moment I hovered between terror and humor. The thing was so overwhelming that I really couldn’t help myself. I sort of laughed, very slightly — not scoffing — but in recognition. I totally recognized that a factual event had occurred, and that something had indeed arrived.
My essential inward response was something like this:
(well something is definitely here — wow — what are you?)
There was no further activity after the announcement, and I was left to contemplate what had passed. There was the very subtle implication that whoever I AM HERE was, we knew each other in some very intimate way — perhaps even as family.
Because I was still quite frightened by the experience, even though my startlement was fringed with humor, I woke my companion, who’d slept through the brief event, and explained (enacted) what I’d experienced.
She seemed extremely dismayed — almost as though I had intentionally harmed her by telling her. Eventually things calmed down and we went to sleep.
Problems began almost immediately. My companion started to complain that she would hear this voice every night now, while trying to fall asleep, and she could not escape it. She seemed to blame me for it, as though it were my fault — or I had ‘done something’ to her. She described it echoing over itself, in phases, and it was a source of significant discomfort — interfering with her ability to fall asleep.
I suffered no such effects. I was very curious about what had happened, but I did not expect to find an answer — it was not as if some expert or tome was going to provide one. What had happened was actually very novel. I did not have an answer. I had become a bit more of a living question than I had been before.
A few days hence, I spoke to my ex and explained what had happened, and she appeared shocked. She said that (the day after the event) she had been not feeling too well, and was laying on her couch when she suddenly heard the same exact announcement. She said it was ‘those same words’ — I AM HERE. I questioned her thoroughly about it, and she seemed at once sincere and surprised. She did not report further instances of this event in the future.
My companion’s trials did not end for many months, although they became less common after about a month. We would refer to it as ‘the voice thing’. Neither of us had problems with ‘hearing voices’ (or any other obvious cognitive superfunction or misfunction) previously — meaning essentially that we were not prone to that sort of thing.
When I spoke with my ex, and realized what had transpired — that unconnected people had experienced a similar ‘announcement’ at a similar time — I realized that a God could in fact return to Earth — and since no one was expecting it, the chances that they’d put the pieces together and actually realize it was happening were very small indeed. The entire world could change very suddenly, in a way we never expected — and most people wouldn’t even notice. Those who did, would be extremely unlikely to see the larger perspective on what was happening, or even assemble some understanding relating to this between them.
It occurred to me that if the Christian Rapture were to actually take place, it could easily happen in such a way that nearly the entirety of secular and apostolic Christendom could utterly fail to notice.
Years later, during the summer of 2002, when I was explaining this story to my then roommate, ‘R’, he seemed surprised as well, and said this: ‘Two nights ago I was in my room, and I could have sworn I heard someone in the room say that same thing: I AM HERE.’.
When toyMaker arrived in my world, last summer — he explained that this was the ‘shout of announcement’ that he was again ‘near’, which is ironic because my ex and I often discussed a ‘dream thing’ or ‘personal inner idea we shared’ that had to do with a ‘shout’ that everyone would hear. Although we had discussed this as something we we were both ‘energetically’ aware of before meeting each other — we did not connect it with this event — then or later — regardless of the shocking similarity of what actually happened to our speculations and feelings about the ‘shout’ we’d often talked of humorously, almost conspiratorially — as if were secretly priveleged in some way and this was a big secret. It must have been so big that we ourselves couldn’t notice it, even when it happened to us.
Imagine the changes we undergo together, in groups of every possible stripe — that we never discuss — because we cannot metaphy them, or their content or contexts do not relate at all with familiar (or allowed) experiences...
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